The Stella Sessions - Part IV

The Stella Sessions

19 January 1990

J: I want you to see yourself going down the road to get cigarettes. Is it on the way back the light appears?

S: Yes.

J: Tell me how you’re feeling.

S: I’m feeling a bit or very apathetic. I just couldn’t be bothered. I’m getting worried about this light. It’s there but I just sort of went around it.

J: How big is the light?

S: About the size of the car.

J: As big as that? And very bright?

S: Yes. Very, very bright. Almost too bright to be real.

J: Did you swerve around it?

S: Yes.

J: Were you driving fast?

S: No.

J: Where were you? In what suburb?

S: In Nollamara.

J: Not far from your house, I suppose.

S: No. Just a couple of blocks away.

J: What time was it?

S: About 6.30.

J: Is it dark?

S: A little bit, yet. It’s dusky.

J: Dusky?

S: Just gone dark.

J: Are there many people around?

S: No.

J: So I want you to go back to that evening at 6.30. it’s just gone dark and the light appears. You swerve around it. It’s a big bright light. You can see it now, quite clearly. You’ve swerved around it. What’s happening now?

S: I’m driving on and I see it go over, way over the car and ahead. It disappears behind the trees . I could see the reflection of the trees opposite. The reflection of the light is illuminating them. Everything there, the oval, and the trees and the roadway.

J: Was it very bright then? What happens then?

S: I turned left. I was thinking I’m not going to pass it, so it will go away as I was turning left before I would have passed it. And I’m driving up Winchester Road when it comes down in front of the car. And just as it came around, then it went off and then it came around in front of the car.

J: You’re looking at it. You’re in the car. What’s happening?

S: I was getting very angry with it. So I went to charge it. I started speeding and almost before I would have hit it, I can see that it has panels inside the light.

J: Look at those panels carefully. What do you see?

S: They’re just large rectangular panels. The outline is brighter than the panels. So I slammed on my brakes because I felt that even though it looked too luminous, it was something physical.

J: So you’re there and you’ve put on the brakes. Has the car stopped?

S: Yes.

J: What is happening now?

S: It seems to be over the car. It’s very silent.

J: Tell me about the silence.

S: It’s very silent. Too silent.

J: Have you experienced this silence before?

S: No.

J: What sort of silence is it?

S: It's a real dead silence. Everything is muffled. Absolutely no noise. It’s scaring me. I can't see it but I know its somewhere above me. I want to get out of the car and run but I'm too scared to. I’m scared if it’s above me it will zap me or something. So I don’t get out. It’s starting to get hot.

J: Are you still in the car?

S: I’m still inside. It's still very silent. Anything metallic seems to lift up. There's only one or two things in the car. I’m sort of looking around to see what the noise was, and there’s objects up against the roof of the car.

J: Things like what?

S: I don’t know. Things in the car that were loose.

J: They’ve floated up to the roof of the car.

S: They sort of went up very quickly. I’m watching them on the ceiling. I’m thinking it must be a magnet. Then the car shudders very gently. It starts shaking gently. It stops not for very long, and then the light comes down, starting at the front of the car it goes all around. And my hands are on the steering wheel and they get really, really hot.

J: Your hands are hot.

S: Yes. So I take them off.

J: The steering wheel is getting hot?

S: Yes.

J: What’s happening now?

S: I remember writing. Just before it came down over the car, I remember writing, describing the white light.

J: Really? This is interesting. Where are you writing?

S: In the car. There’s a bit of paper and a pencil in the glove box. And I’m just writing that it’s a white light.

J: You’ve a lot of presence of mind.

S: I’ve had a feeling I’d be taken and I wanted to leave something behind to describe it if I didn’t come back.

J: So you’re writing. What’s happening now?

S: Now when it comes over the top of the car, it goes and there’s that silence. I turn the overhead light off. I'm just sitting and waiting.

J: Just relax.

S: There’s another light all around me. It still feels like it’s in front of me. Now I’m starting to get absolutely terrified and I know something’s approaching and I don’t like it. It’s horrible, green, two horrible green little faces at my window.

J: Have you seen these faces before?

S: No. They’re horrible. Ugly. Gnomish sort of looking faces and I start screaming. And I hear a sort of soft thud and I realise they’ve unlocked the door so I quickly lock it again, and then I check all the doors and make sure they’re locked. And they’re gone but I’m crying. The heat’s getting unbearable. I grab a rug or a coat or a jacket or something. Something to cover me up. I think it’s a rug on the back seat and I put it over me, so that the heat won’t get to me. I’m still crying, I’m still upset [agitates].

J: Just look at this calmly [calms her].

S: I’m sitting on the front seat but I’m lying across the front of the seat. My head is on the passenger’s seat and I’m all covered up and I have been crying and crying. I don’t know how long I've been crying for. Then I feel there’s someone reaching out for me and I know it’s not those creatures. It feels too human. It’s lifting me up, lifting my arm. I’m still crying. My eyes are closed because the lights so bright.

J: Who’s got you now?

S: I can see blue. Someone in a blue suit. It looks like a male.

J: Pale blue?

S: No, it’s a bit brighter blue but it's  very close to the pale blue.

J: A blue suit like a track suit or something else?

S: Like overalls.

J: Like overalls?

S: Yes. It’s sort of tight fitting like a tracksuit.

J: Can you see this clearly?

S: I can't see his head or his face, just his suit, because I’m crying and my head’s pressed against his chest. He’s holding me.

J: Are you walking?

S: No. I’m too upset to walk. I can't do anything. He’s waiting until I calm down.

J: Do you feel he’s kind and protective?

S: Yes. Yes I do.

J: He’s kind and protective?

S: Yes. He’s sort of patting my back a bit. Now he’s telling me we have to go in. He’s still got one arm around me. He’s leading me in.

J: So what’s happening now? Are you walking a bit?

S: No, I’m floating.

J: You’re floating, yes?

S: I try to walk but I feel I jerk when I try to walk.

J: You feel jerked?

S: No, I jerk. I feel unsteady if I try to walk.

J: So they’re floating you in?

S: Half floating, half walking. It’s strange.

J: What’s happening now?

S: I get this impression I’m going up in a slight angular path, and I’m stepping inside. But it’s all white and all bright. I can't tell what’s inside and what’s outside. It’s almost like seeing God.

J: Like seeing God? A feeling of holiness, is that it or something sacred?

S: Yes.

J: Like in church?

S: Yes. It’s so bright bright and so white. I think I must be dead. And I’m looking at a white light and must be God.

J: What happens now?

S: I don’t know. Colours are starting to come in. The room is starting to solidify or something. All of a sudden I’m sitting and the room is there and I’m feeling sick.

J: Nauseous?

S: Yes, it sort of fades and goes away. I look to my left and there’re people around at the door in front of this wall and to my left there’re instruments all along with chairs along them. They’ve got panels, and each panel has a screen and a bench in front of it with lights and buttons and everything. There’re people there and that’s about half of the wall on my left. There must be about half a dozen screens. Then there’s a bigger wall, no not a bigger wall, but the other half of it, behind it’s full of lights and bright colours. They seem to pick up sound and it seems almost to be picking up my heartbeat on one screen. It’s like it’s registering everything in my body. My heartbeat, my breathing and maybe even my brain patters. It’s strange. The whole wall is just all on that. They seem to know when I’m tensing up and when I’m not.

J: How many of them are there around you?

S: There must be at least half a dozen. There’s an angle bench behind me and there’re two there. There must be about half dozen on the benches, one for each screen.

J: Are they Blues?

S: They’re all Blues, and there’re some women with them, a couple of females.

J: In blue also?

S: Yes.

J: Is this the first time you’ve seen the female Blues?

S: I think so. Yes.

J: Could you describe them? Just look at them very clearly now you’re seeing them.

S: There’s one who’s a bit shorter than me. She’s very slight. She’s got dark hair and a rather broad angle nose that is slightly curved but it’s big and broad. With very black eyes, large dark eyes, and straight dark hair.

J: Does she look female?

S: Yes. She’s definitely a woman.

J: Is she at the screen also?

S: Yes, she has her own screen.

J: You’re getting a lot of attention?

S: Some are watching their screens and some are watching me.

J: What’s happening now?

S: Some of them have left the room. Not all of them. Just a couple of them.

J: Are you protesting in any way?

S: No. I’m just sitting there relaxed. I’m just waiting.

J: Do they have any problems getting you into that room?

S: No. Well I don’t know. All I know is I’m in the room. I don’t remember how I got there.

J: What’s happening now?

S: There are a couple around me. I don’t know if we've been talking or not, but they’re now telling me they want me to go into the next room and I don’t want to.

J: Why don’t you want to?

S: Because I don’t want to get up from the table. I know the table there.

J: You know from past experiences, is that right?

S: I couldn’t remember then, I don’t think. Maybe. Yes I knew there was another room so it must have happened before. And I recognised one of them.

J: You recognise one of the Blues?

S: Yes. And I tell him that he's the doctor and I've seen him before. I remember him because he has blue eyes.

J: The others have brown eyes, have they?

S: Yes. Black eyes, very dark. And he's got blue. And I remembered him and I told him I remember him and he said to me that that can't be, for they’ve never seen me before.

J: Is he telling the truth?

S: I don’t think so. I half believe him but then I sort of think, well, maybe it was on the other craft.

J: What’s happening now?

S: They’re telling me I have to go in the other room and I don’t want to.

J: So what happens then?

S: I start yelling.

J: You start screaming? Then what do they do?

S: Some of them look bemused and I’m struggling, just slightly struggling. I’m too dizzy, so I’m falling and then one of them has got a white cloth and it smells of ammonia. It’s a very strong smell. He puts it over my face so I won’t struggle I guess. And all I remember is being dragged.

J: You’re being dragged now? What’s happening now?

S: I remember the pain in my hip as I was sliding over the doorway into the next room.

J: Right or left hip?

S: My left hip. They were dragging me sideways with my arms and on my left side it must have been a jab or something worse. It really hurt.

J: Well there’s no hurt now. The hurt’s all gone. No pain, no pain at all. Now you’re in that room now? What are they doing with you?

S: I don’t know. The next thing I know I’m waking up and I'm on the table on my back.

J: are you dressed or undressed?

S: I'm dressed, I think.

J: You’re dressed. Look at yourself and tell me whether you’re dressed.

S I can't tell, I’m cold.

J: You’re cold? You might be undressed if you’re cold.

S: I don’t know.

J: Never mind. What’s happening now?

S: I’m cold so they have me with my face to the right.

J: They’ve got you with your face to the right?

S: And I remember turning over because I was so cold.

J: I want you to be there now. To be there and to feel the cold. Now you can see clearly what’s happening. They’re looking after you aren’t they?

S: Yes. I turn over onto my stomach, so half turned, but on my left side and then I start feeling sick. Then I think that’s why they have turned me to the right side and I think I’m actually sick.

J: Do you actually vomit?

S: Yes. After I’ve stopped I lie on my back and that’s when one of them comes in. They take me back to the first room and the hatch is open and he’s sitting me down at the hatch and he's pushing my head over the end of that I’m leaning right over outside the hatch. I remember being sick again and after I’ve stopped being sick, he still held me quite firmly actually. I got scared of tipping over into the opening, but after I stopped being sick they let me just sit there to get some fresh air. There's quite a few of them around, about three or four, around the hatch. A couple of them wander off. Now I think they took me back. 

J: They’re taking you back?

S: I think they took me back.

J: Where are you now?

S: I'm back in the second room.

J: What now?

S: I don’t know. I can't put it together. All I can picture next is they're  saying I’m sick.

J: They’re telling you you’re very sick.

S: Yes. I think they're trying to flush my stomach or something. I don’t know. Or they're  saying it's  too late.

J: They’re saving your life, aren’t they?

S: I don’t know. I think they must be. I don’t know what they seem to be doing.

J: Are they agitated? Do they seem upset about this?

S: No. They seem quite calm and distant.

J: Relax. Relax.

S: I think they leave me again. I remember being on my own, but I’m strapped down. And it's  weird, the room is shuddering. I feel like I’m upside down.

J: You’re upside down and the room is shuddering?

S: It's almost like hearing it shudder. There’s no sound but it's  like...a great velocity. I don’t know. It’s hard to describe it.

J: Where’s the ceiling?

S: The ceiling’s down below me.

J: IS that why you’re strapped in? To stop you from falling?

S: I think so. Yes.

J: So they’ve turned the whole thing upside down.

S: They're moving at a terrible speed. I can tell they're  moving fast, very fast. And I'm thinking they must be in a hurry to get somewhere. And then that’s gone. It’s gone. The next thing I know I'm waking and there's two or three, maybe even four all around the table, around that end of the table. There’s a little green one with them.

J: A little green one? Can you describe the little green one?

S: About their waist height and just...spindly legs and arms, fattish through the body, very fat, rounded hear. And they're   telling it not to bring something in.

J: How do they speak to it?

S: It’s asking them if they want to bring something in and they're  saying no, not to. They won’t need it.

J: Are they speaking English? How do you know what they’re saying?

S: They must have been speaking English.

J: When you wake up I want you to draw this little creature for me. You’ll draw it just as you saw it. You’ll remember everything, every detail. You’ll draw it perfectly, this little creature. What happens now?

S: I'm not there. I’m feeling very woozy, then I...things are clearing again and it's  holding something up for me, I know its not mine. It can't be mind.

J: The little creature is holding something? Can you see what it’s holding?

S: It’s like a small blue sack and there's a white...oh...like...it looks like a white foetus but it's  a very large foetus. It looks like a magnified version of something that ours would be at say only two or three months old. Maybe at only one month old.

J: It looks like a one month old foetus, does it?

S: Yes. It’s very big. It's  too big to be mind. I know its not mine. But I get the feeling they’re trying...that it’s trying to make me think its mine. It's  all blue, gray and white. It's  horrible.

J: Just relax. Now just think for a moment and you subconscious will answer. If this foetus is yours, you’ll raise one finger. If it’s not, then you wont move your hand. Now is this your or not.

S: No.

J: it’s not yours? Right. What happens now?

S: They’ve got something in tweezers like a round white thing. Sort of...

J: Ball?

S: Yes.

J: A round white ball.

COPYRIGHT (C) 2010 J D FRODSHAM